Downside #5

People eventually find out what you really do

It's the double-edged sword of star power - as soon as people get over the initial shock and awe of actually meeting a real live author they start asking those awkward questions about what the job really involves. It's a Catch 22: you can lie, make out it's a piece of glamorous piss, talk up the trimmings and fulminate all the frustrations and bitterness into bile within your twisted, tortured soul. Or you can tell the truth.

Sadly the truth means telling a bunch of people who have lived and breathed your every word for the best part of 10,000 miles round, say, south-east Asia are suddenly confronted with the fact that you probably spent even less time in the country than they did; that you stayed in maybe one hotel per town, often did three towns per day, and never actually went near the local food/museums/herbal cures/masseurs yourself; that you speak even less of the language than they do, apart from the word for 'whore'; and that you're so blasted you thought you were actually writing the guide to Cotswold Safari Park. Picture their delighted faces while you run for cover.

At least there is one consolation: now you know exactly why everyone in the PR department earns at least 20 times your average salary. Then again, that still doesn't explain why they keep using that terrible photo of you with 80s hair and dysentery in every press release. But that's another downside...